Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
