Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
