U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
handjob tips. give me some.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
