Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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