Screwed.edu
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
