Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
