You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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