Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
