Just fell off a train. Bad.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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