Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Someone shattered a urinal.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
