pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
