my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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