Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
