And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
