just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
