I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
