Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
