Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
