how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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