# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
