he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
