My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
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