I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
