Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Fuck appropriateness.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
