I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
