...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
