she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
