Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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