So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
