Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Randomize
