Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
