you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
