if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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