What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
