who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
