You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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