i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
