I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
When are your genitals available?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Do you remember whose house we're in?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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