Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I wish I only lived at night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
