just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
