he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
