I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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