need another drink. this is the easiest way
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
