Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
