I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
