haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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