so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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