The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
