with your own penis?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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