pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
