my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
